What to do when hope no longer floats your marriage boat?

Being black married and hopeful helped home stay afloat for a long time...until it didn't. It is hard to stay hopeful when things are crashing and burning all around you. 

sometimes the wisest thing to do is to save yourself from the fire. Taking with you nothing more than what you can gather of your dignity and pride.

what you gather is really not so much of importance as long as you survive. if you survive the flames, mostly unscathed then at least you can start over. Starting over is hard. it does appear that you have nothing to work with. It would appear quite tragic to onlookers, nosey tea sippers, dumb podcasters and the like.

 HOWEVER!!! What's not accounted for so much is what is on the inside of you. The things you packed with you on your way out.  Your hidden treasures of resilience, courage, resourcefulness will begin to sprout forth from inside of you making apparent the true beauty that you really are. Your insides are still fertile. 

Your insides are not damaged goods even though your physical body has been drug through not only the mud but fire and brimstone too. the flames couldn't scorch your insides, it only refined them. 

So to you dear readers that have lost hope in your marriage for one reason or another I am here to say..you may lose the marriage, but you will never lose you. and you can place your hope that you will get through this...so many people have. you can place your hope in God or the Universe that everything is working together for your highest good. you can place your hope in a brighter better future, once you quit what is hurting you today. 

Let me not end it there. I don't want to ill equip you for the journey ahead. There will be hard days still, but think of those days as you tilling the soil getting ready to plant seeds for a bountiful harvest of peace, joy unspeakable and maybe even love will bloom again. Trust that you have it in you what you need for the next part of your journey.

Suspending this blog!

Hello,
I will be suspending this blog along with other endevors to rededicate my self to my wifely and motherly duties. I have enjoyed sharing with you, but for now I have to put first things first! in a few weeks things may calm down enough for me to be able to blog again. We will see!

a customized prayer

I'm down for Stormie Omartin and the power of a praying wife, she gave me a good start on how to pray for my husband. A very good book, especially for young wives and mothers. In fact my husband is the one who bought it for me, good on him! Ok, so at this time I feel like I know my husband well enough, I know his weaknesses, his strengths,  short comings and successes all too well. I am very intimate with him. So, I feel its time to put that working knowledge into prayer form! I get so caught up in my role as a wife, that I forget to be a praying wife! I want to make that a number one priority in our marriage, and that is for me to pray for him! A customized prayer should work just fine from here on out.

      But guess what I learned tonight two things. First, after an upset between my spouse and I left me curled up stiff on my side of the bed, I was talking to myself and realized I hadn't given my heart fully to the Lord yet! The thought came to me, Lord I want you to have my heart and my soul, I give it to you. There was peace in that. I felt very much secure in his love, but sad at the same time which I didn't like. I'm giving the Lord my heart, I thought to myself, he will take care of me so why am I sad? I was sad because I was dissapointed that my husband couldn't care for my heart in the ways that I hoped. Maybe it's idolatry for me to expect such a standard of treatment from my husband that never dissapoints or hurts me? I wanted him to just be perfect, but I know now that that will never happen. It's always so dramatic, so magnified, the offense, when it's happening to you, but how seldom do we stop to consider how our actions would affect the ones we love. So drama aside, pride aside, I know I have been no saint.

     So here comes the second part of what I learned tonight, and that is I should prepare my heart to forgive! I read that on some very jolly looking lady's blog tonight while I was upset looking for answers and an online community to co-miserate with me. Yep she said it, prepare your heart to forgive. Which makes since, if you stay ready you don't have to get ready. It doesn't mean I'm a door mat or will allow any foolishness, but when an offense happens and my husband is apologetic I should be willing to accept that.
  How do I want to be treated if I get caught up, but come to my senses?

In conclusion I will focus on carrying out my duty to love my husband,  f!#& the feelings cause they come and they go.  I will prepare my heart to forgive, because forever is a very long time. I will pray a customized prayer for my husband and I hope you will do the same for your spouse. Amen?

Divorce- a poem

                                     ################DIVORCE################

My heart stitched together

tautly with yours

sharing blood vessels

can't tell mines from yours

even after years of poor circulation

due to riffs, fall outs, and mis-communication

Our hearts still is one

despite ourselves

even if for comfort

we turn to somebody else

but DIVORCE threatens

to rip these

very fibers apart

yea DIVORCE is the one thing

than can break our heart

Ripping stitch by stitch

blood vessel 

by

blood vessel

Our bodies now functioning

not on its best level

despite our attempts at

starting a new

the fact still remains 

I'm not WHOLE

without you

my husband tab --first things first!!

In an effort to re prioritize my life I just came up with a divider in my homemakers luxury book called my husband tab. The first page in the tab is like a table of contents it reads
- his likes/dislikes
-home organization ideas for his stuff
-gift ideas
-special meal ideas
-special romantic dates
-school assignments
-off work days
-doctors appointments
-dentists appointments
-car inspections/repair/oil change
-special areas of prayer
-family birthdays/send cards
-special buys (needs different from gits ie: deodorant, soap, cologne)
-comments?
-criticisms (made by him of course)?
-praises/ words of love?

All this in an effort to better serve as his helpmate, friend, wife, companion,"secretary"-I'll be the only sexy one thank you! This (when implemented!) Will also help me to become an A1 listener..that mean really good! Feel free to use these ideas or better yet share more area of interest I may have overlooked! Peace!!

Sensitive male pride

Good morning! I just wanted to share my thoughts this morning on our husband's sensitive pride. We take it for granted so many times that our man can take a joke! He can take a little teasing, it's good for him. Well not so much. It goes directly against his need to be admired and feel respected. It does. In fascinating womanhood women are encouraged to build their husbands up and admiration of his manly qualities is only one way that will take you far. I'm still waiting to see just how far this will take us, all the way to the finish line I'm sure. I want you to make it too. I want you to remain hopeful in times of disconnection and trouble. Pray, because God is on the side of marriage! Have a great day:)!

Submissiveness is tough for me at 34 weeks and 2 days!!

Submission can be terribly difficult. Here I am 8 1/2 months pregnant at a pool hall, all because I had a hard time submitting at home. Different beliefs often lead to confrontations if not handled effectively. I'm really 'hormonal' right now so I don't want to go off in a tangent about what the disagreement was about. Suffice it to say I didn't want to be at home. I called my best friend who lives down the street from me here in Austin, Texas however she's not responding. Probably getting off work late. So, I sit here by myself all big, trying not to look to awkward,  available, or miserable lol ! I would go home, but I want him to miss me first,  is that so terrible?:) He had no problem with me coming out, he was more concerned with the whys of it all. I didn't feel I could intelligently explain all my feelings so I just told him I needed to get out the house. I don't want to over think this bad mood I'm in so I'll just leave it at this. Peace out, God bless! I'm sure I'll be back at my contented state in no time.

An admission of my corniness...CORNY POSTS!

         I will admit! The first few posts I made were corny, okay! Just plain bad! I tried:) but, eh..didn't quite reach the target. See I say that because I was using 'ideas' on romance I hadn't even put to the test yet! "Theories" if you will. I no longer wish to do that. I want this blog to be more of an experienced based place. A place where I give testimony of trail and error. A place where you could reach with me for the ideal states in marriage, motherhood, womanhood and learn from our mistakes (my husbands' and me)<--don't attempt to learn or copy grammar here. I am an english professor only in my day dreams! I am not a professional counselor, scholar, therapists, or any other sage degree holder. I am a Christian, a mother of 4 soon to be five in september, and I am Black, Married, and hopeful. With that being said let's move on shall we? 

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Matching a face with the 'voice' :)

Here's a photo to go along with my writings
I tried to add it as my profile pic, but couldn't quite figure that part out lol

Inspired to keep blogging!

 So, I'm feeling inspired to write a little more now due to a fellow bloggers humble beginnings! So Treasured Belle a fellow blogger and SAHM/SAHW has a blog I recently started following and have been so inspired by here's why: She's my age mate (I'm 26 she's 30) She's black (I'm black :)) She already has more than america's average amount of kids She's a degree holder in english ( I always wanted that for myself!) She's been a teacher ( that's my future dream career) and the most encouraging part about this (the obvious one that I forgot to mention is that we are both Christians..I think) is that she had an humble blog beginning!! She did not start off as some superstar blogger who had it all together!!! As time went on she added more pictures, more links, and her posts grew more consistent. That's what I admire and what has me blogging here at one in the morning. :) With that said there will be more posts to come!